Living for a New Tomorrow.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Though tis week has been quite smooth sailing for me, no assignments to hand up for eg., but deep down in my heart, i felt quite upset. Why, one may ask given tat i'm leading a care-free life with no major troubles at stake. Well, just a few days back, 3 days to be exact, was actually supposed to be my anniversary with my ex gf. We used to celebrate our anniversary monthly without fail, going out for celebrations & taking our monthly neo prints together. But now, haiz.. Dun wanna go further on it. Just really sad at the thought of it. Although it's been a few mths since she left me, nevertheless, i still love her deeply. Many times i tried to forget her, but i just can't seem to be able to do it. Everytime when i'm alone, i still think of her, recalling our fond memories together. Everytime i close my eyes when i'm going to bed, somehow or rather, her image would flash across my mind. Maybe cos my love for her is too deep. I've got to admit tat i've since gotten over the hurt of our break-up, but tat was also like only in recent times. No hatred towards her; how could i ever bear to hate her even after all tat she has done towards me. Although i've been trying to avoid her all tis while, not replying to her sms or answering to her calls, but everytime as long as i received news, calls, sms etc. from her, i would be very upset & all. Like dun have any mood to do anything after tat. I really hate tat type of feeling. Dunno when den would i ever get it out of me. Haiz. What is love? Sometimes i really wonder? Wat does a woman wants from a guy, especially if tat guy is her bf. I've been going around asking alot of females tis questions, in the process, gathering alot of different answers, none of which was the satisfied one which i wanted. But the conclusion is, i do not trust love anymore. Used to treat it as the most important thing in my life. Could give up & do anything for my gf. But not anymore. As the saying goes, once bitten twice shy. Do not know when would i ever admolish tat mindset of me or when would i be able to face her again. But i know it's definitely not going to be anytime soon. Now, all tat matters is my studies & my career. They are my top prioties in life now. No more relationships. However i won't rule it out cos if u are fated to be with someone, no matter how u try to avoid it, it would still be useless as u can't fight ur own destiny. Just tat i do not treat it as my top prioty anymore. Anyway, no matter wat, though i know the chances are very, very slim, however, u know who u are, if u ever chance upon tis & reading it, i just wanna let u know tat out there in tis world, there's still a silly boy who's waiting for u to come back to him, though he only wants u to come back to him when ya a changed person, if not really no point at all. He still loves u deeply, but he's not able to give u the promise tat he would wait for ur love for the rest of his life as he may or may not meet another gal & developed feelings for her. But as of now, he still truely loves u deeply & would still immediately rush down to yourside when ya in need of trouble or anything. Tat's all he has to say.

Another thing was, yesterday was her mum's b'day. Still remembered fondly the surprise which we gave her last yr. Hope they did something for her tis yr as she's a really good mother. Really liked her very much, though i do not have the fate to be her future son-in-law. Anyway, pondered over the thinking whether should i wish her anot as alot of my friends discouraged me to do it. In the end, i let my feelings got the better of me & i sms her, wishing her happy b'day. She did reply me eventually, which i was quite touched upon seeing her replied sms. Anyway, "wishing u a very Happy Birthday auntie. May u enjoy life & stay healthy always."

Went to attend a seminar with Tong Long, Jesper & gang yesterday. It was very enriching, something bout finance which i know would definitely be beneficial to me in the future. After tat, they even sat down & eleborate further on the details of it, which honestly, made me feel quite touched bout the issues involved. Would definitely go back for more of their lessons & learnt new things in the coming weeks. Ater tat, went to BQ for supper before heading back home. In between, went to look her up at Color Zone. Been a few weeks since i last went there & saw her cos afterall been very busy lately. Thank god she's fine after all the shit she's been thru in the past few weeks. Told myself tat i would start going back looking for her once i've finished up all my work as i've to set my priorities straight, for the sake of my future, even though i really do miss her at times. Hope she's fine & would not get into any more troubles.

Just started watching a new korean drama titled "Marrying a Millionaire". It's one of the latest show in the market. So far watched a few episodes already. Quite nice. Like the reality show Joe Millionaire. The story roughly goes like tis: Young Hun is a handsome young lad, but barely has a penny to his name. He works as a delivery boy for a small soup shop - hardly very glamorous. But it is for this very reason that he is approached by the producers of a new reality TV show. Young Hun must pretend to be a millionaire, whilst a gaggle of rabid, superficial, money-hungry beauties battle it out in order to win his hand in marriage. Once his chosen bride has been selected, Young Hun must then reveal to them the truth - that he is in fact penniless, and if the girl still agrees to marry him, she will be showered with prizes. From Young Hun's point of view it seems like a win-win situation, until he comes face to face with his first love, the gorgeous Eun Jong, amongst the hopefuls! She has come on the show for the money, too - and attracts the attentions of the show's producer, Gee Na - who really is rich!! The show so far is something like tis, but i've got to watch further to understand more of it. Below are a few sneaks of the show.

&faded to grey at 11:43:00 PM♥