Saturday, October 21, 2006
KISS GOODBYE
Well, wondering how to begin with cos today's a very emotional day for me. 21st October! Been dreading for this day to come ever since the past but ultimately, it still came. Haiz. Today's her b'day & also 5 months since the day we broke up. Really feel shitty at this moment. I mean i really do wish & hoped that i would be the 1 by her side this year but i know that's all wishful thinking of mine, that it's totally impossible. If only miracles do happen, how nice & perfect it would be, but then again all these things only happen in movies. After so long why can't i still let go of it totally? Why am i still harbouring all those wierd thoughts? Sometimes, i really do not know myself that well. Am i the calvin which alot of people think i am or am i actually some other person whereby no one ever knows? I think only i would be able to figure out the answer to my question. Anyway, i do not know whether should i call it fated or just pure coincidence, but turns out that she was at O bar celebrating her b'day (i supposed), whereas i was at Dbl O. In fact, i did saw her but did not go over to greet her or what. Afterall, i still do not know how to face up to her after the immense amount of hurt which she dealed to me. Really spoiled my nite cos was feeling very, very moody throughout the whole time at O. How i wish i wasn't there or did not know of her presence. Saw a few of her friends, some of whom i think did saw me too but outcome was still the same; i did not & neither did they greet me. Haiz. To think all of us were once friends & even went on holidays together. How time changes everything.
Anyway, no matter what happens, it's over already. Time to face up to reality. Really high time to give up & forget bout everything, though i know it's easy to say but very difficult to actually do it. But i believe i can overcome this major obstacle in my life. Well, when there' a will, there will be a way! This has been tried & proven before. Really quite silly to still harbour those silly thoughts which i've been having lately. I really gotta thank 5 people for knocking some sense into me, cos without u guys, i believe i would go & do some silly actions & thus, would probably get hurt all over again. Really grateful to u guys. Hereby expressing my special thanks & gratitute to Takuya, Eddy, Sharon, Min & lastly Xiaojie. I know how all of u feel, cos ultimately, u guys do not want to see me being stupid & taken for granted once again, not to mention having to go through all the hurt all over again once more. The cutest was still Jie, cos she said that if i ever did that, she wouldn't be bothered & cared bout me anymore, & that she would break off all relations with me! So serious rite, but then again, she's still the one person that knows me truely, how i really feel & what i'm thinking. Anyway, i gave my word to u guys, & rest assured i'll honour it. It's high time i really behave like a true man.
Lastly, though i really hate to say all of the above, but nevertheless i still sincerely wish her a very Happy Birthday! No matter what happens in future, hoped that she would be happy in her life, in whatever she do cos knowing that she's happy would only make me feel the same way too. Irregardless whatever she once did towards me or the amount of hurt which i've experienced, it's all in the past. Time to move on to a new chapter in my life already. Time to delete away all the pics & sms which i've saved in my hp all this while, leaving only the wonderful memories which we once shared in a special place in my heart. I won't deny the fact that i still love her but then again, no point in harbouring a one-sided love that would only caused me an immense amount of hurt after hurt after hurt. Now, i really start to agree with my buddy Takuya that it's better to find someone who loves u more then u love her after what i've been through in my previous 2 relationships. Anyway, leave everything to fate bah! I won't go looking for it to happen anymore. Before i end things here, this song titled "kiss goodbye" is dedicated to her as it symbolises our relationship, our love...
&faded to grey at 10:36:00 AM♥
